


ciel's amazing adventures with sebastian and elizabeth and herpes and this title is really dumb

by vaguelyfestive



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack, F/M, Herpes, Humor, M/M, slightly offensive to actual people with STDs maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:10:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1857528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaguelyfestive/pseuds/vaguelyfestive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's dumb trust me</p>
            </blockquote>





	ciel's amazing adventures with sebastian and elizabeth and herpes and this title is really dumb

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah i said i didn't have anything else planned for kuroshitsuji but then this happened oh well
> 
> The lovely trekkiethehoovian on tumblr is completely at fault for this
> 
> Comment if you find the book of mormon (the play) reference!

The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Ciel had herpes.

"My dear, dear, Ciel, it is not my fucking fault."  
"Yes, it is."  
"No fucking way."  
"Well, it's not mine, if anyone should be responsible, it would be you."  
"How is it my fault that you have an STD," deadpanned Sebastian.  
"Well, you were the one who suggested fucking to get rid of all the demon bad guys," grumbled Ciel, glaring at his bedmate.  
"You shouldn't have taken me seriously you should have fucking known better," yelled Sebastian.  
"That doesn't change the fact that you had herpes and didn't tell me!"  
At this point they tore each other's remaining clothes off, continuing to fuck themselves unconcious.

The next morning Ciel woke up to find his herpes had gotten worse. Apparently doing anything with his butler, including hot steamy gay sex, made everything worse. Suddenly, the butler and his charge heard servants screaming and saw pink sparkles seeping under the door. It was, of course, Lizzy, who had conviniently appeared for the sake of the plot, because of course Lizzy doesn't really get a significant role or developed personality in the anime. Sigh. Ciel looked around, and Sebastian was gone. 

"Lizzy, can you do me a favor?" Ciel asked, taking off his shirt in a way we know he thought was sexy, but was actually just kind of gross. Lizzy didn't seem to care.

"I'll do anything for you, Ciel," she said cutely, batting her fake eyelashes at the speed of light.

Ciel kissed her like a Hoover vaccum, energetically sucking her lips off her face before throwing her onto the bed, "Thanks, you're a really gosh dang great fiancé thing..."

Later in the day, Sebastian knocked on the door with the afternoon tea, opening it a crack. Ciel was in bed with Lizzy, fucking her with an expression on his face like he was being forced to read Das Capital, War and Peace, and circa-1905 physics textbooks all in one sitting. Lizzy's screams of pleasure were all too clearly audible. The butler stopped, vomited a little into the teapot, then closed the door and moved on. Ciel came running out, buttfucking naked.

"Oh thank god. I was getting tired of fucking her. I gave the herpes to her. Ciel is now 100% STD free!"

Sebastian stared at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Little does ciel know that giving someone herpes doesn't get rid of your own


End file.
